Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
