I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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