Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
