Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
