woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
