i may or may not be watching the land before time
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
