I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
