It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
