Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Randomize
