and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
