"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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