Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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