wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
