remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
