no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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