Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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