My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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