OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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