i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
