i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
