you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
