What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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