why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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