Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
