Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
