She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
