Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
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She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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