I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
