Where is the hickey?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
