You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
