Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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