i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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