So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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