In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
