What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
