I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
