If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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