You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize