I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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