also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
