When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
