we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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