So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
