i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
even my farts smell like vagina
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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