I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
