I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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