TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
