yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
