Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
