The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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