Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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