Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
