She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
