Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
