Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
