I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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