Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
