they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
