I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
