i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
