if only i could text you this smell
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
