that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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