And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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