If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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