I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
