i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize