ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
