I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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