i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
