haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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