I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
