I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
