i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
