I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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