We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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