I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
try to milk me bitch
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
