Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
