i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
